Existentialism for mummies

I'm hoping this book actually exists.

Because I need advice on how to reply to the recent barrage of questions from TS.

'Where's the seaside/waterfall/museum gone?'

'Um...it's where it was when we left it five minutes ago...'

'Where's my home?'

'Um, where your heart is...?'

'If a tree falls down in a forest...'

Arrrrrrrrrrrrgh.

What every man wants to hear

We are talking about our genitalia.

Again.

TS: I got a willy!

Me: Yes, you do.

TD: I not got a willy!

Me: No, that's right - you don't.

TS: I got a little willy!

[Pause.]

TS: Daddy got a big willy!